Disclosure: I am writing for and being compensated by Cottonelle for this blog post.
I’ve had great fun being a brand ambassador for Cottonelle’s Let’s Talk Bums campaign. Not only have I helped to spread the word about a worthy product, but my bathroom humor has reached a new high, or low, depending on how you look at such things.
As my ambassadorship comes to an end, I want to share a story that until now has been kept under wraps, and for good reason. A story that, I swear on a stack of Cottonelle Toilet Tissue Rolls, is 100% true.
When I was a kid I spent several summers at an overnight camp in the Catskills. Camp High Point was where I learned how to shoot a bow and arrow, memorize Color War songs and gulp glasses of bug juice.
My favorite part of camp, though, was horseback riding. Putting on my riding gear and running down
the big hill to the stables filled me with joy. Sometimes I would have a lesson in the corral; other times I went on group trail rides through the leafy foothills.
One day I learned that I was one of several campers who had qualified for an overnight ride. That meant that we would saddle up mid-afternoon, head out on the trails and set up camp when we reached our destination a few miles away. For a wrangler wannabe like me, this was a dream come true.
In a single line we walked our horses along a quiet country road, their hooves clop clopping and tails swishing, and came to a rocky path on the right that led us up the mountain to a clearing where we set up camp. The counselors cooked burgers over a fire and later we roasted marshmallows and sang camp songs under a sliver of moonlight.
When it was time to roll out our sleeping bags for the night, I looked around, hoping to see, like an oasis in a desert, a public restroom. In this wilderness? Not a chance. Into the woods I would go, flashlight in hand.
I left the cozy warmth of the dying embers, stepping gingerly over fallen tree branches to a spot I deemed bathroom-worthy. I kicked off my boots and stripped down to get ‘er done.
The weak beam of light from my flashlight flickered once or twice and then extinguished, as did any hope of making this task quick and easy. Darkness enveloped me with cold arms. I heard the hoot of an owl and shivered.
Done. Jeans are back on. Boots are … where did I toss my boots? I felt helpless as I blindly patted the ground around me.
Ah, there they are. I put one on and reached for the second one. As my foot slipped in, I encountered a soft resistance, a mushiness, and then … I gasped in horror.
I did. It was.
Mortified, holding the reeking boot at arm’s length, I stumbled back to the campsite where my distress was greeted first with disbelief and then whoops of laughter. My face was aflame with embarrassment as everyone howled.
This dreadful deed ultimately earned me an invitation to the camp’s exclusive and coveted Nut Club, whose members had also committed equally embarrassing experiences and probably could tell their stories all these years later, too.
If Cottonelle’s Flushable Wipes had been around back then, this story might have had a happier ending.
And now that I’ve bared all, take a look at Cherry Healey’s video about cleaning your bumpers. And don’t forget to join us on Facebook and on Twitter with #LetsTalkBums.
OMG! Thanks for a much-needed laugh this morning. I’ve never done it, but I did have a friend roll down a hill while peeing once!
That made me LOL, Wendy!
LOL 😀 Can’t be!
Simply mortifying, but funny now. Oh, little Helene, how you must have suffered. Big hugs to the big girl now who overcame it to tell it!
Cathy Chester recently posted…Wordless Wednesday: A Call To Action From The Social Good Summit 2013 (#2030NOW)
It took me a loonnggg time to find the humor in it, but eventually I did. Thanks, Cathy!
Hilarious! My oh my! And I truly see how that would have been absolutely mortifying to a young girl. So funny, though. I’m glad you can look back on it and laugh… and share!
You’ve been an impressive ambassador, putting a unique spin on the sponsored posts. Love that! ♥
Lisa @ Grandma’s Briefs recently posted…This week’s lessons: My grandson may be crazy and be careful where you step
Awww thanks, Lisa, coming from you that is high praise. You made my day! xo
Helene, I love you more with every post you write! OMG!! Am BUMMED that you’re done with your ambassadorship. It has been a hilarious, creative ride! xo
Lois Alter Mark recently posted…i made it into the “blogger idol” top 13!
You can count on me anytime for bathroom humor, Lois!xoxo
This had me cracking up! Thanks for the laugh
Ruby Ragar recently posted…Disney On Ice coming to Evansville Indiana! Oct 27th
Glad you enjoyed it, Ruby!
Too funny!
Virginia @thatbaldchick recently posted…How to Make a Popcorn Card
Thanks, Virginia!
LOL! I’m rolling. Thanks for sharing and giving me a laugh this morning! So glad you survived to tell the tale!
Christie recently posted…Encouragement for the Ordinary Mom
It’s taken me all these years to talk about it, so I guess it was pretty traumatic!
Thanks for the great laugh, Helene.
Now I can laugh too, Pat!
LOL – yeah – that is embarrassing. I hope you were able to salvage your boots. some of those are pretty expensive.
Alicia Taylor recently posted…Life on the Autism Spectrum – Beyond the Stares
Now that part I do not remember, Alicia. Thanks for stopping by!
Ha! I don’t remember, Heather, but probably I did clean them and save them. After all, I wasn’t going to stop horseback riding, and those boots were my only pair.
What a great story! At one time mortifying, and now hilarious! I think we can all relate wit similarly embarrassing stories hidden in the “water closet”. Thanks for making me laugh!
I’m glad I made you laugh, Elise! “Hidden in the water closet” — genius! xo
omg. dying laughing.
hilarious. i learned this weekend that light is VERY IMPORTANT when using a bathroom. my flashlight died in a portapotty :/
brett recently posted…Should you try Grain-Free Cat Food? #HillsPet #Giveaway
Haha! I truly sympathize with that. Thanks, Brett!
Helene,
Love it. You have truly given everyone a reason to bring wipes with them on any kind of camping trip. You are a terrific brand ambassador for Cottonelle. Thanks for the laugh-and it just shows that eventually everything we go through in life becomes fodder for… blog posts.
Estelle
Musings on Motherhood and Midlife recently posted…Girls and Gifts: It Starts Early
Estelle, I love you!
This was a great story. I felt embarrassed for you when reading.
Giveaways 4 Mom recently posted…7th Heaven Giveaway
I know … I think my face got red while I wrote the post!
oh my goodness! How embarrassing and awful!! YOu are brave to tell this story LOL!
Jennifer B recently posted…Book Tour: Two Brothers: Origin (A Ramtalan Trilogy) by Sofia Diana Gabel
LOL!
LOL! What a great story! 😀 Thanks for sharing it with us. I really needed a laugh.
Ave recently posted…8 Baby Halloween Costume Ideas
Thanks, Ave! Glad it tickled your funny bone.
Thanks for the giggles! ICK, EEK, Oh my what a story. 🙂
Rhonda – YVSG recently posted…Win $25 Cash #SupportSmallBusiness Giveaway
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Oh my gosh, that’s an absolute nightmare but it’s hilarious!
Liz @ A Nut in a Nutshell recently posted…Scrambled Eggs Carnitas
Yes, in retrospect! Thanks, Liz.
HAHAH.. I loved your post!!! I’m still laughing… such a great story.. thanks for sharing
Melanie a/k/a CrazyMom recently posted…You can bring your old furniture back to life with a facelift #DIY paint
Thanks so much, Melanie!
I have never done this because I have never been the going camping kind of girl.. but I need a laugh and this was funny
Carmen’s Coupon Blog recently posted…Ends 10/07 – $25.00 Pink Blush Maternity Gift Card Giveaway
My advice, if you ever go: take new batteries for your flashlight.
I love this toilette paper. It is so thick!
Robyn recently posted…The Benefits of Yoga during Pregnancy
Yes! I agree. Thanks, Robyn.
What a great story. I am so glad you shared this with everyone. I bet you were really embarrassed when it happened, but glad you can laugh about it now.
Cynthia L recently posted…Freezing Tomato Sauce – the easy way
Exactly. It took me all these years to be able to share it.
Haha…funny now, but I bet it wasn’t so funny back then! Fun story 🙂
Malia recently posted…Tad The Lost Explorer DVD Review & Giveaway
Thanks, Malia. Funny to everyone else — but I was soooo embarrassed!
Excellent!
What a hilarious story! I’m surprised you hadn’t blocked it from memory due to trauma.
Kay Lynn recently posted…Five Things Friday
I think I did, Kay Lynn. But my “ambassadorship” jogged the memory.
Hehe! Miss you, Roomie! xo
Love it, Karen.Thanks!
Thanks, Shanna!