As a parent whose children came of age prior to the social media boom, I often congratulate my husband and myself on our impeccable timing.
We lucked out. Of all the stresses inherent in child rearing, certainly the use and abuse of social media is high on the list.
I mean the parents’ use and abuse.
Here’s the question I ponder sometimes. If I had been able to share information about my young children on social media, would I have?
Of course, is my answer.
Might I have been one of those parents guilty of a little too much “sharenting?”
Entirely possible.
Sharenting?
Sharenting is a recently coined term referring to parents who share information about their kids on social media and is mentioned in this report from the University of Michigan’s C.S. Mott Children’s Hospital. Based on a survey of 569 parents with a child or children ages 0-4, the study found that 54% mothers and 34% of fathers discuss child health and parenting issues on social media.
What do they discuss? Sleep issues, nutrition and eating tips, discipline, daycare and preschool, and behavior problems, among others.
So, what’s the big deal about parents reaching out to others to seek advice and support? What’s so bad about wanting to share a questionable photo on occasion? Maybe, after a long day in the trenches, parents need to vent. Or share a laugh.
Totally get that.
As a young mom, I would have enjoyed chronicling the special moments of my three kids on Facebook. Bath time, for instance, or losing a tooth, or blowing out birthday candles. I would have found comfort in a community of parents with similar issues and concerns. If I was in search of advice, or I needed to share a chuckle, why not blog about it, or post on Facebook?
Harmless enough. But what issues? What about tantrums? Or potty training? Sibling rivalry? Meltdowns after school?
That’s where the sharenting line in the sand is blurred. Where should that line be drawn, especially when your kids are too little to have a say in the matter? And even if you get their permission, what does a four year-old know about the implications of sharing personal information on social media?
What seems benign now could be a psychological tsunami someday, with aftershocks for years to come We parents are essentially imprinting our kids’ digital footprint in the sands of time without their consent, with no understanding of the potential ramifications down the road.
Preserving memories, or obsessive behavior?
I have seen photos that make me squirm, like a photo of a child pale and glassy-eyed with the flu. I have seen children with frozen smiles whose parents seem to document every bit of their daily activity. Are we forcing our kids to pose instead of just be in the moment?
Photos can be deleted. Not so easy, however, to remove blog posts and Facebook conversations about bed wetting and bullying and discipline issues at school. Does that set our kids up for ridicule? Even if their names aren’t used, I mean, all you have to do is Google the parent’s name and there it is. It is there. Will this come back to haunt not us, but our kids?
I don’t have the answer.
In its early days, social media was a fun game with few rules and boundaries. Now we know that there is a dark side. With that in mind, is it incumbent on us parents to err on the side of safety and keep our kids’ information off the Internet as much as possible, until they have the maturity to make these decisions themselves?
Or is it too late, and our children’s digital profiles are but a Google search away?
Helene- so well said!!
Thank you, Mimi!
I am so glad my kids were grown before I had to worry about this. I do mention my grandchildren and this makes me stop and think about the things I need to watch more closely. Great post.
Rena McDaniel recently posted…OUR ST. PATRICK’S DAY CELEBRATION
I think we all have to take that extra moment before posting, Rena. I know I do. Thanks for your great comment.
You’re so right, Helene. Once it’s been shared online, it’s there forever. And do we really want our kids growing up knowing that the world can see their embarrassing/private/personal childhood moments preserved online?
Karen recently posted…Our race problem: Perception
Yep. The permanence is what boggles my mind. As you said, there forever. And there’s nothing we can do about that.
I have very small children and I do wonder about it. It’s nice to see pictures of friends and family around the globe, but yes – we can overdo it. Then there also the ick factor. People making memes of babies. Sometimes mean spirited. I’m moving more and more to vague references. No names. Definitely no birthday details. There are no hard and fast answers, but it’s up to parents to use good common sense. Remember everyone online is not your friend. Good post.
Toni @ Debt Free Divas recently posted…Budget Friendly Baby Birthday Bashes
Your points are well taken, Toni, and I agree that common sense is the bottom line. Thank you.
Excellent, Helene! I, too, am glad our son grew up before SM and when the Internet and video games were in their infancy. How I loved Putt Putt Saves the Zoo!
It’s a personal choice how much to share about family on SM and on blog posts. For me there are several subjects I won’t write about, and beyond mentioning my son or using photos of him once in a while, well, that’s as far as I go. That is my choice.
I have a feeling someday therapists will be inundated with cases of children who need to talk about their parent’s who shared too much about them…
Cathy Chester recently posted…My Truth About Being Sick And Tired
That is so true, Cathy. When I write a post about one of my children I check with them before publishing, but they’re adults and can make an informed decision.
The same for me Helene. When my kids were growing up, there was no social media.
It was so much easier then.
nancy@skinnykitchen.com recently posted…Low Carb Salad on a Stick, Italian-Style
It really was, Nancy. I think parents of young kids nowadays have a lot more on their plate.
This is something I think about often as I write about my grandsons. I don’t use their names and I don’t reveal their location… or embarrassing things (for the most part), but still, I often worry it may be too much and what the ramifications will be several years from now when THEY can get online. Food for thought. Thank you, Helene.
(And, yes, I likely would have shared too much about my girls if the Internet were around when they were young. Or teens.)
Lisa at GrandmasBriefs recently posted…Here and Now: March 19, 2015
Lisa, your posts about your grandsons contain nothing that would cause embarrassment down the road. And you do not use their names. So I think you have been very protective of them.
I think there is a line there and we need to use common sense. There are a lot of mommy blogs that chronicle their children’s lives. I have been wondering if anyone uses baby books anymore.
I think the community and information aspect is such a good thing for parents of young children. It is so helpful for mother’s and grandmother’s of special needs kids, for product reviews, health issues and behavior issues.
Very thought provoking post.
Doreen McGettigan recently posted…Keep Moving Forward…
Thanks, Doreen. There are many good things about the Internet, but we all realize there is a flip side. The challenge is navigating those murky waters.
I think sharing too much is a big sin and that parents should be respectful of their chldren’s wishes.
Carol Cassara recently posted…Does good parenting mean controlling kids’ media?
True — but the issue is that babies can’t express their wishes.
i think the problem goes back to the connection moms (and some dads) feel to their little children. They see them as an extension of themselves, and therefore think they have the right to share their lives as they do their own. More and more I’m seeing moms of Tweens say they won’t write about them anymore. I guess the kids have spoken up.
Interesting, Sharon. At that tween stage it can be VERY embarrassing for kids to find themselves the topic of conversation online.
I find that sometimes moms share too much. Never heard of that term you mention but I do feel like people over share even private moments of their life on Facebook.
Judy Freedman recently posted…New Additions To Timeless Breakfast Cereals
I agree with you, Judy. Thanks!
Helene, This is an excellent post. I feature my daughter a lot in posts, but I’m extremely careful not to write something that will embarrass her one day. Also, I love your blog redesign.
Estelle Sobel Erasmus recently posted…The YouTube Kids App is Here
Thank you, Estelle! You are right in the trenches with this — would love to talk to you about it sometime.
I am so with you. I always say that I would have been in so much trouble if the internet had been around when my kids were little. As it is, I am very careful about what I write about them. I do think there are going to be a lot of people trying to delete their online history when they’re older.
Lois Alter Mark recently posted…march madness!
You have definitely been cautious, Lois. I can’t remember ever reading anything of yours that would cause your kids to squirm.
Excellent. Sharing widely. A #BAMc15 ‘er I know you’re admired in our group. Not sure if you were here in Nashville…?
Leisa A. Hammett recently posted…The Art of Spring Break: Exhibits, Travel, Presentation
Thanks, Leisa! Yep, I was there. We missed each other!
I’m afraid of how so many Tweens and teens don’t seem to have boundaries with what they post. A lot of parents would be shocked. You think you monitor the sites/apps they are on — then new popular ones are appear every month. These little ones will no nothing else. For them it started from infancy. (The public documentation of life.) I’m afraid this will only fuel the almost epidemic anxiety and depression issues among kids.
You are so right, Jamie. For so many kids there are no filters, and it’s scary.