Book Buzz: Who Left the Cork Out of My Lunch?

In my family, I’m the peanut butter and jelly between two pieces of bread. The cream cheese schmeared on a bagel. The baloney on rye.

I’m not only a boomer, I’m part of the sandwich generation, which is code for you-worry-about-everyone.

Last week was a time of heightened anxiety for me when a variety of maladies converged on several family members on both slices of the sandwich. With my nerves jangling like the Salvation Army Christmas bells, I knew I had to calm down and find a way to laugh, since laughter is the best medicine as we all know.

Thank goodness for humorist Vikki Claflin, whose new book, Who Left the Cork Out of My Lunch? got thrown in my bag before I left for the hospital. It turned out to be my lifesaver.

And P.S., everyone is OK now.

Book Buzz: Who Left the Cork Out of My Lunch?

Who Left the Cork Out of My Lunch? Middle Age, Modern Marriage & Other Complications

I am a faithful follower of Vikki’s blog, Laugh Lines, because her essays consistently make me laugh. They are simply side stitch-inducing hilarious. She’s got a wicked sense of humor, that one.

Her latest book is  a collection of these essays and now that I’ve read them all, I think Vikki’s book is better than Prozac.

Vikki’s sizzling wit skewers topics such as marriage, fashion, makeup, bodily functions, ex-husbands, Spanx and midlife foibles. She’s a gifted writer who can zero in on the funny side of life and bring it to life … and nail it, every time.

Paraphrasing Vikki’s gems would be a disservice because no one can tell it quite like she can. So I offer you some of my favorites verbatim, straight from Who Left the Cork Out of My Lunch?

The 12 Stupidest Love Songs, Ever

Don’t Know Much About History (Sam Cooke) “Don’t know much about history, don’t know much about biology. Repeat for science, French, geography, trigonometry, algebra, and the nefarious slide rule … “But if I could be with you,  what a wonderful world it would be.” Seriously, dude? You just admitted to being on the wrong side of the Stupid bell curve, and yet somehow you think we’re going to hook up and have a fab life together? Here’s a thought. Get your GED, get a job, and lose my number.

Two Out of Three Ain’t Bad (Meat Loaf) “I want you, I need you, but there ain’t now way I’m ever gonna love you. Now don’t be sad cuz two out of three ain’t bad” followed by an entire verse lamenting the one that got away, but whom he never got over. Well, gee, Mr. Loaf. While I appreciate your only slightly arrogant offer and the assumption that I’d be grateful for two-thirds of your awesomeness, I think I’d rather date your ex-girlfriend.

24 Things Women Want in the Pre-Nup (No, They’re Not About Money)

  1. Repeatedly leaving the toilet seat up is the male equivalent of the female “Not tonight, dear. I have a headache.” It means nobody’s getting any tonight.
  2. Borrowing my car and returning it with the gas gauge on “E” tells me it’s been too long since we’ve had a good fight.
  3. Yes, I know you hate the songs on my iPod. That’s why they call it an “I” Pod. Get your own.
  4. Throwing all my delicates into the dryer on High isn’t “helping with the laundry.”

12 Reasons Sex is Better After 50

  1. We can finally put four-inch stilettos where they belong. In the bedroom. And we’re putting them on in bed, because limping to the bedroom, yelling, “Ouch, ouch, ouch!” is not foreplay.
  2. We worry less about having a perfect body. Yep, boobs are swaying like palm fronds in a tropical windstorm and cellulite makes our thighs look like five-pound bags of rice, but he hasn’t seen the six-pack abs of his youth for at least two decades.
  3. We tend to go to bed earlier, which also means earlier sex. After years of youthful and often alcohol-induced “Oh my God, it’s 2 a.m., and I’ve got to work tomorrow,” sex, we’ve discovered that 8 p.m. and sober is great, too. Who knew?

And finally,

From MILF to Middle-Age. 25 Signs It’s Happened to You

  1. Your plastic surgeon asks, “Why did you wait so long?” and offers a complimentary lip procedure with your tummy tuck because, well, he cares about you.
  2. Waiters and store clerks no longer ask you for your ID, even as a flirty joke. And if you suggest it, they just look confused.
  3. We still work out, but the parts we used to skip (the warm-up, the cool-down, and the stretching) are now the reason we’re there. Yesterday’s spinning class is now Tai Chi, often followed by a nap.
  4. When you lament the passage of your youth, you’re talking about your forties.

There is much, much more to giggle over, nod in affirmation with, and share with your girlfriends, while basking in the glow of knowing you’re not the only midlife woman plucking chin hairs.

Who Left the Cork Out of My Lunch? is available for pre-order on Jan 12, 2016 and will release Feb. 14. You can find it (and absolutely should) on Amazon. Barnes & Noble, and iTunes.

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63 Thoughts on “Book Buzz: Who Left the Cork Out of My Lunch?

  1. I am a huge fan of Vikki’s and her posts never cease to crack me up. Thanks for reviewing her book which will undoubtedly make me laugh even harder!

    P.S. Glad your family is okay.

  2. Robin (Masshole Mommy) on December 8, 2015 at 8:46 am said:

    This book sounds hysterical and I will probably be able to relate to a lot of it 🙂

  3. I am so glad everyone is okay with your family. I have you and your family in my prayers.
    I am a fan of Vikki’s blog too.
    She definitely has the gift of humor and you are so right, laughing helps.

  4. Vikki is hilarious. Her take on life at this stage should not be missed. Yeah, I don’t know much about geometry and guess what? My life has been one the worse for it! So Vikki’s take is so universal, well….see for yourself.

  5. Sounds like a funny book. Will
    Have to check it out.

  6. Helene, you writing about Vikki is a combo made in Writer’s Heaven — two of my very favorites, together in one terrific blog post. Laughed my way through your review and I am totally getting this book.

  7. Thank you for this post. You have made my day and Vikki is hilarious. This is a book I definitely need to get!

  8. This sounds like a funny book! I am part of the sandwich generation so I can definitely relate to worrying about everyone. This book sounds like a great way to unwind.

  9. Ok this book sounds too cunny. I need to check it out and check out Vikki posts. thank you fro the introduction.

  10. Goddess on December 8, 2015 at 1:09 pm said:

    Vikki happens to be one of my BFF’s and let me tell you that you almost need to warm up, stretch and then cool down your face muscles to prep for a fun night of food, drinks, games and laughing until your face literally hurts. We couldn’t be happier for her with the arrival of her new book. It is laughter therapy at your finger tips! Yes I said new! Her first book “Shake, Rattle & Roll With It: Living and Laughing with Parkinson’s” is available on Amazon.

    Go Vikki~ Go Vikki~ Go Vikki!!!!

    • hbludman on December 10, 2015 at 8:52 am said:

      Thank you, Pam, for mentioning her first book which I neglected to do. I can’t wait to meet Vikki in person.

  11. I always enjoy reading Vikki’s posts and now I can’t wait to read her book.

    … I never thought about the Meatloaf that way all these years and I wonder … why didn’t I?

    Thank you for sharing the teasers!

  12. I do enjoy Vikki’s blog. Thanks for the review. It sounds like a fun book.

  13. This book sounds fantastic. I’m still in my 30s but I have sisters in their 50s and they would LOVE this after I read it.

  14. Thanks for the review! Sounds hysterical!

  15. I’m a big fan of Vikki’s and I love your blog, so your post made my day 🙂

  16. LOVE the name of this book! Sounds like a funny read for women!

  17. This sounds like a great laugh! Thanks for sharing going to have to check it out for some good laughs.

  18. Haha I’m loving her clever, biting humor. Her new book sounds like it will be great!

  19. This book sounds hilarious! I’m adding this to my reading list.

  20. I definitely need to get this for myself, and it sounds like a great gift, too! Thanks for letting us know about it!

  21. Adding to my 2016 book list! Thanks for the insight and review!

  22. I need to read this! Vikki has a sharp wit that makes an obsidian scalpel seem dull. Glad you made it through the week in good company.

  23. This sounds like a great pick-me-up book that spins the facts of life with humor, to make it that much more relatable and enjoyable. I know my sister would love to read this.

    • hbludman on December 10, 2015 at 9:01 am said:

      It helps us laugh at ourselves, which is a very liberating thing to do, I think.

  24. This looks like a fun read. So glad I’ll see both of you at Erma.

  25. I had the supreme privilege of previewing Vikki’s new book. What a pleasure! The first few pages had me laughing out loud and I didn’t stop until I quit reading. It’s a must read for any woman who over 40!
    Kimberly XO

  26. lol on the humor style. Oh so relatable, fo sure. 🙂

  27. I need a new book to read and this one looks like something I’d enjoy reading. I need a good laugh anyways.

  28. Okay, first of all the book cover is hilarious! It’s such a great thing to find the humor in motherhood!

  29. Thankfully I am also an admirer of the keys writing the excerpts you chose were so funny

  30. Lisa Jacqueline Lewis on December 9, 2015 at 2:45 pm said:

    Great to read this! I’m a big fan of Vikki too and have her ARC! You did a terrific job posting about her upcoming book!

  31. That sounds like a great book! I am still laughing!

  32. Lisa Nolan on December 9, 2015 at 3:23 pm said:

    This looks like a terrific read! I have reached mid life! And I’m a big supporter of Vikki!

  33. A great book will take your mind off your worries for sure!

  34. Now that sounds like a funny one for sure. The using my car and leaving it on empty happens all too often in this house. Haha!

  35. I am not familiar with this author but after reading your review, I would like to check out her books.

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